Youth=Fun

there's a man on yelp who has had me dying laughing for the past hour. i just read 100 yelp reviews and they're all killer. he reviewed shit that i didn't even care about, like canoe rental places and shit in towns of which i've never even heard. it was this review of video underground in jp that caught me initially:



"Yeah yeah I know, Netflix, but how bad does it suck when Netflix sends you The Shield season 3 disc 4 but they forget to send you season 3 disc 3? Dude, you know how when The Wire ended it made you feel almost as sad as that time in 10th grade when you dated a girl who was hopelessly out of your league so of course you fell madly in love with her and then two weeks later she dumped you because she figured out that she's out of your league and you got so depressed you couldn't even masturbate for a week? Homicide is the homely chick you rebounded on. Fuck Homicide and its pretentious editing. The Shield, man, The Shield will get you over that girl. And Video Underground has The Shield.

Dan P. is a pussy. I checked out their porno section because I am committed to you, my faithful readers. I don't even watch porn because I quit smoking pot, but I can tell you that the selection isn't really that great - they don't have Big Black Ass Next Door Vol. 4, which would be more of a problem if Melissa A. hadn't found it in my neighbor's yard last year during a party - but they do have a few Chicks With Dicks movies, and no one else on Yelp has told you that.

Here's what they do have: a documentary called "Gap-Toothed Women," which is literally a documentary about gap-toothed women. Here's what they don't have: Private Life of Plants, which is a documentary about plants and if you want to watch it you're pretty much gonna have to come over to my house, where I will try to get you to watch Big Black Ass Next Door Vol. 4 instead. That porno's not that great.

(Update: so two weeks later my friend Scott writes me on Facebook all "Dude I rented that documentary about gap-toothed women as a birthday present to myself and it was great! Thanks for the recommendation!")"


read every single word that Alex R. has to say. i really hope he doesn't review me. i'll be so bummed because he'll be right and i won't even have some witty comeback to post on this piece of shit blog.


other news, this
is what my throat looks like right now, but my mouth still looks dashing and ethnic, while the mouth pictured looks like macaulay caulkin in home alone/mj's bedroom. (again with the caulkin jokes?)

fuck strep throat.