peace

ew


only option

mistletoe

fakin' the funk

stuffwhitepeoplelike

throwback

i've been working on lyrics for the hardcore band that will never exist

this is all just snippets, phrases here and there, some good, some bad, all weird:

"our bassist just snowballed your acapella group's flautist"

"i poked a hole in it so she wouldn't forget me"

"in the future robots will freebase people"

"your vagina is like a pothole"

"...zeppelin is not hip hop.
steve seagal is not metal.
but danny glover is.
i wrote my dissertation on smoking pot and now i'm smoking pot."

"the deck ate my killer tape.
bloody hip shaped like oregon.
i swear to doc ellis that i was king of ohio once,
and eric's breath smells like catfood."

"if the bag's almost done, throw in more tobacco,
then huff computer duster
til andrew wakes up."


and a real live quote from allan yu:
"i have a 20-minute cumpilation with footage of me cumming on your face."

(click to download)

daniel johnston - respect (1985)

Rob Drew "Live" Set One from Joel Messer on Vimeo.

satanincarnateologist

mixologistkid88 (11:23:39 PM): working on this head wound sculpture

six hundred three score and six

(click)

liner notes of misfits "walk among us" cassette.

the gentlemen of CAMDEN have a gig at the middle east upstairs this sunday, the 13th. they'll be playing with a full band this time. i'll be there under the influence of fun and ginger beer.

dave and i burned and went skating in the rotten apple over thanksgiving time. we brought abada's flipcam and skated kind-of spots until it was time to twomp again.



other media:

happy bday dini


i dunno


iksrfo


set it and fucking forget it


debbie lamps on a lovely afternoon in downtown newark


good looks, stadtlander


nueva inglaterra


foreign kids


bobby steel


tamer dee will never return to jamaica plain

if you miss this, you celebrate kwanzaa

everyone listed is from new jersey. i repeat: everyone listed is from new jersey. good looks brian correia for the last min flyer. repost repost see you there ninjas.

penicillin

not kidding.

youtube channel with 300 HD hip hop vids from 87-93, like this one!

and this one:

and this one:


mad jammiez.

there's a man on yelp who has had me dying laughing for the past hour. i just read 100 yelp reviews and they're all killer. he reviewed shit that i didn't even care about, like canoe rental places and shit in towns of which i've never even heard. it was this review of video underground in jp that caught me initially:



"Yeah yeah I know, Netflix, but how bad does it suck when Netflix sends you The Shield season 3 disc 4 but they forget to send you season 3 disc 3? Dude, you know how when The Wire ended it made you feel almost as sad as that time in 10th grade when you dated a girl who was hopelessly out of your league so of course you fell madly in love with her and then two weeks later she dumped you because she figured out that she's out of your league and you got so depressed you couldn't even masturbate for a week? Homicide is the homely chick you rebounded on. Fuck Homicide and its pretentious editing. The Shield, man, The Shield will get you over that girl. And Video Underground has The Shield.

Dan P. is a pussy. I checked out their porno section because I am committed to you, my faithful readers. I don't even watch porn because I quit smoking pot, but I can tell you that the selection isn't really that great - they don't have Big Black Ass Next Door Vol. 4, which would be more of a problem if Melissa A. hadn't found it in my neighbor's yard last year during a party - but they do have a few Chicks With Dicks movies, and no one else on Yelp has told you that.

Here's what they do have: a documentary called "Gap-Toothed Women," which is literally a documentary about gap-toothed women. Here's what they don't have: Private Life of Plants, which is a documentary about plants and if you want to watch it you're pretty much gonna have to come over to my house, where I will try to get you to watch Big Black Ass Next Door Vol. 4 instead. That porno's not that great.

(Update: so two weeks later my friend Scott writes me on Facebook all "Dude I rented that documentary about gap-toothed women as a birthday present to myself and it was great! Thanks for the recommendation!")"


read every single word that Alex R. has to say. i really hope he doesn't review me. i'll be so bummed because he'll be right and i won't even have some witty comeback to post on this piece of shit blog.


other news, this
is what my throat looks like right now, but my mouth still looks dashing and ethnic, while the mouth pictured looks like macaulay caulkin in home alone/mj's bedroom. (again with the caulkin jokes?)

fuck strep throat.

i hate that i have to do this, but this is pretty good, jimmy fallon. shit. i'm not as good at reasonless grudges as i used to be.

my roommate had a boyfriend once.  i mean, she has a boyfriend now.  he's a nice guy. but she used to have a different one.  he wasn't that sweet. this guy has a mom.  i mean, they both have moms.  i've met the current boyfriend's mom.  she's down to earth.  pretty lady.  you know.  i don't mean it in that way.  i mean, you know, she looks nice, she's good looking.  she's not bad looking.  i say this as a basis for comparison.  look at my roommate's old boyfriend's mom:

america

if i had to guess, i'd say new jersey's the knuckle.

ignore how ridiculous clarence looks. bruce figured happy out just like bruce figured sad out. and he really figured out the nostalgic "one that got away" genre of pop song. ah. bobby jean.

Still Waiting - Prince

**i've had this thing for a year and am embarassed to say that this is my first post regarding the seldom-acknowledged true king of pop. prince was dickin down carmen electra while mj was tossing caulkin's salad, real talk. having trouble getting that special someone to bed? problem solved. address any thank you notes to prince rogers nelson, paisley park, mn. dude's been getting me laid since i was 16.

lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.

word.

sometimes yelp is like being the star of a comedy central roast

"Maybe we caught the restaurant on an earth-shatteringly bad day. Big maybe.

Went in on a Thursday night for dinner and was seated right away in the tiniest corner of the restaurant on top of other people -- fine by me, i love cozy.

Was fairly busy, but finally had a waiter come over after about 10 minutes of being seated. Ordered a delightful bottle of wine (they do have a great wine list, from what I saw) and received some bread. Ordered some apps and entrees and then the wait began...

Almost an hour later, we FINALLY received our appetizers after we managed to flag down a backwaiter since our waiter was no where in sight. He forgot to put our order in-- everyone makes mistakes, but an hour later, with no apologies, no acknowledgment, no nothing? He walked past our table about a dozen times in that hour and never stopped to check in or maybe enlighten the tiny light bulb in his brain. That's really bad. I will stop here by saying that this is, hands down, the worst service I have received in Boston to date.

But fine, the boy and I thought, the food may save the place. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, we tried our escargots and lobster bisque. Snails were alright -- not at all what they should be for a place that labels themselves a French bistro. Foie was meh, as well. Definitely had much better before. The bisque was terrible -- waayyyyyyy too much cream, no lobster. It was barely even pink. Awful.


The chicken 'coq au vin' was but one chicken drumstick and the worst noodles I've ever tasted and seen in my life. The broth was super bland -- not at all what is expected. I had one bite and set it aside. It was pretty much my interpretation of a French Chicken Ramen Noodle. Tsk tsk.

I would have alerted the server to my dislike if he had come to check in, but oh, he never came by. So after 30 minutes elapsed and I was sitting with my cold Chicken Ramen, I finally got in touch with a backwaiter to let him know the status of my meal.

Finally, by the grace of God and approximately two hours stuck in that hole, that a MANAGER came by to address our dining experience. Upon which, I kindly unloaded my dislike for the whole evening, including the food and service. It really takes a lot for me to talk to a manager, being a part of the service industry for years and knowing how frustrating it can be, but I couldn't help myself.

The manager did take care of some things, which was kind, but wouldn't be necessary if he had a staff that knew how to remove their heads from their hindquarters.

I will conclude by saying that yes, perhaps, we may have came in on a bad day. But seriously, if you can't even cover the basics of your job (serving, preparing a good quality meal, etc.), you should find another calling."

i wish she left her number. my bulb could have gone for a little enlightening...heh heh heh.
yelp is sick. it's like i get to be at the center of a celebrity scandal once in a while. the headlines read that amy winehouse forgot to tell us the specials du jour. i love yelp. what if there was yelp for everything? wouldn't that be sweet? just people bitching about every single person and thing in a public forum. "the streetlight on south street is too slow and i was forced to wait not 2, but TWO AND A HALF MINUTES for it to change. 1 out of 5." "thomas is not fun to play twister with. 2/5." "lucy's dog has a long tail and i like dogs with short tails, so i give lucy's dog a 3/5." right?

it's fucked up that people lose jobs over this shit. and that someone would actually refer to the waiting of tables as "a calling." it's no calling. know what it is?

it's like getting really stoned right before getting thrown into a room full of 30 bitchy, senile great-aunts, and as soon as you walk in they start pinching your cheeks really hard and making you walk them to the bathroom every 5 minutes and change their cathiters and ask you a lot of questions and don't listen to the answers but it's not that big of a deal because they give you mad cash on every holiday and you get to eat a lot of free bread plus they're going to be dead in like a year anyway so it's totally worth it for a few hours at a time.

but god, i can't wait for those old bitches to die. that diploma's starting to look a little bit cooler.

black elvis: lost in space

pad drops another disposable camera flickr bomb on the nation, featuring photos of halloween and when he, galen, and jake hanly came to boston to wyle for like 18 hours.

the first time i went to this spot in east orange, a man on the street approached me and told i was going to get robbed if i stuck around much longer. years later, a cocktail of fortune and gentrification allow dan v to whip unscathed into a heavy-pocketed backside tailsqueaker.

it's a great time for skating really well and filming it

buy the first 2, watch the 3rd and get hyped.

hey!

I only play the games that I win at

And stay the same with more rhymes than there's ways to skin cats

As a matter of fact, let me rephrase

With more rhymes and more ways to fillet felines these days

Watch the path of the black one

Supervillian he wrecks clubs for dell

In a drunken stupor chillin

Ready and willin to inadvertantly foil that plan of any rhymer, whiner or

spoiled brat

Who got more snottier flows than snotty nose?

And holds mics like he knows karate body blows

Nobody knows the trouble I see

from the MPB fly dirty tailin the eye bubble eye thirty

For the record this is some shit I just thought of y'all

Science fiction that's not admissable in no court of law

I live to rock mics 3-D

The only reason I seek to stop to snuff the TV

I heard beats, they sound like karaoke

With monkey rhymers on a leash like don't have this fairy choke me

Hit 'em with a penny so we can get these peanuts

And I thought we was nuts, I used to get free cuts

They locks Lex Luthor up in green haven

Since when a nigga never really been to clean shaven

Misbehavin rap stars need mistament

Call me Mista Bent

I'm at where your sister went

Intelligent, used to write and be well spoke

Now all a nigga wanna do is fight and sell, tell a joke

This could lead to catastrophe

Bout to stop the violence right after these last three shots from the black

bat got me at headlock

Holdin on to sanity while stranded at dreadlock

She told me get off I said

Bitch, let me set this shit off so I could get rich right quick

Then it hit me like the point of intoxication

Nigga come out and rock this nation like oxifacen

A lot of niggas out is rusty like oxidation

In the world's most strangest most dangerous occupation

But you could do it, you the Super like in your building

Villian like trife kingdom wear and all my children

Plottin and it sure to pay ends

With some more mature womens and more of they friends

And when bad men roll tight, it's actual true

Like a pack of big bamboo with natural glue

Who grip necks of becks next to triple X

He just came before D followed the ripple effects

And it'll lead you right to him

Oh snap, it seems you walked into a trap do wrap

Zoinks, this place is filled with pretender willies

One false move and get broke off like end of phillies

True believers ain't nothin new to a

Crook with special powers like how to tell the future uh uh

Rhyme of the month two page long

Bustin off two gages with my cake gone wrong

Son it's on remind me of a Raekwon tape song

With a fleet of super bad status Rae Dawn Chong

Let me know if y'alls with me y'all

Nasty yo and geographic down to the titty bar

Rap monster outer city y'all

To all my brothers who is doin' unsettling bids

You could have got away with it if it was not for them meddling kids

i was outside the library smokin a boge toasted illin just now and some kid told me i looked like some dude named kid cudi. i googled image searched him and was bummed to find that he's kind of right:

yet another to add to the look-a-like list, next to obama, pharrell, probably all of the cool kids, and that one flattering myspace message from when i was like 15 saying i looked like denzel washington. i don't believe in the beatles, i only believe in me.

this is it. yes. i've found it. arguably the most important website on the information superhighway. what is it? oh, just an archive of burrito spots across the nation with reviews, ratings, and updates. the updates are the most important feature because burrito spots have the tendency to flip it on you: change owners, ingredients, menus, quality, prices. so, without further ado, the burrito blog:

i told tim penguin that someone pivot fakied the hole in this bank in chicago. he responded with this cell phone pic from july 07 of me wearing a pink t-shirt in front of it. it's not what you rock, it's how you rock it. gyuh.

trife

rob drew/omega/djnr hooked up this painting of satan for the crib and technology hooked up this smart phone for ya man and it's overwhelming.

"if oj drove a bus, he wouldn't have been oj, he would have been orenthal the bus driving murderer"

d.fresh slapped this blog on me: SHiiT ii GO ThReW. dude goes threw some shiit. none of us like to think that we're "the type to catch female emotions liike dis here" but you know, it takes a man to open up. i tip my cap to lucky 09, liife will get eaziier, homey.


kwame's band rules. troublemaker. click for their album. sons of no one. so sick. so pissed.

antonecchia wallie bonk nj devils L in hand. stee.

and, goodnight.

(click on it)

this is the only internet-based reference that i'm going to make to la cosa nostra this year. the specifics: when you need to know, and if you need to know, you'll know.

while you were sleeping...

i was flipping through secondary texts and polishing off an entire pack of drum in a matter of a night. yeah, this is totally worth 40G a year.

i rip my prick through ya hooters, i'm sick, you couldn't measure ma dick with six rulaz